Evil Dead remake is dead on arrival

   Evil Dead 

   Rated R, 91 minutes

 I have a problem with movie remakes. Sure, a handful of them are good, maybe even surpassing the original, but the majority of the time they are just reprocessed crap looking to earn a buck. This was my first thought when the trailer for the remake of “Evil Dead’ started popping up on my screen. I thought, “why would they remake that classic?” and “didn’t they already remake a better version of “Evil Dead” called “Evil Dead 2.” Hopes weren’t high, but soon reviews started coming in and people kept talking about how gory it was. So I knew I had to see it, but I didn’t want to waste $10, so I waited for it to arrive to the second run theater where admission is only $3.50, and off I went. Well, I just wasted $3.50 on a remake mash up of “Evil Dead” and “The Ring.”

I'm guessing you shouldn't read out loud from a book with a cover made of human skin

             Don’t get me wrong, “Evil Dead” is very gory and it hits a lot of its jump scare moments, but I found myself bored with the film. There was no pencil to the ankle that haunted my dreams years after seeing the original, there was no humor, we barely get any boomstick or chainsaw action (until final moments) and worst of all, there was no Ash (the iconic character Bruce Campbell created).

The biggest change to the story I enjoyed was how the friends retreated to a cabin in the woods to help their junkie friend detox, which led to none of them believing her about being possessed. But other than that, this “Evil Dead’ barely compares to the original. Sure, the film is gory (a character getting repeatedly stabbed in the face with a needle had me cringing) and it moves along at a brisk 91 minutes, but that doesn’t make up for the lack of originality offered. 
            I knew I was in trouble when the poster of the "Evil Dead" stated that is was "The Most Terrifying Film You Will Ever Experience." Why? Because after leaving the theater, I realized that "Evil Dead' wasn't even the most terryfing movie I've seen today (that honor goes to V/H/S/ 2, which i'll review later). Skip this and enjoy the original trilogy. 

A quick way to get rid of your taste buds