The Canyons
Directed by paul Schrader
Not Rated, 99 minutes
“The Canyons” is a mess of a movie that bored me to death. I
wouldn’t even have watched the entire thing if it wasn’t for the promise of a
few scenes of Lindsay Lohan nudity. And truthfully, the few scenes weren’t even worth the price of admission. I was hoping for a campy, nudity filled romp like “Showgirls,”
but the “The Canyons” is a far cry from “Showgirls,” which is the worst thing you want to hear about a movie.
I’m sure you don’t
care about the plot [you’re just here for the nudie pics], but the story
follows a bunch of dead-eyed arty people roaming around Hollywood like zombies.
Christian, played by porn star James Deen [recently seen filling all of Farrah Abraham’s holes in her porn video] is a trust fund producer working on putting a film together with a low
level starlet named Tara [Lohan]. The two have an intimate relationship that is
often recorded and the majority of the time, multiple partners are brought into
the mix. But once Christian finds out that Tara slept with one of her costars,
he goes crazy and “The Canyons” turns into a weird pornographic horror film for
a second.
For what it’s
worth, Lohan shows actual acting talent, but it’s easy for her to shine while surrounded by non-actors and porno stars. She does show off the goods in
an attempt to flesh out [get it] her career, but it doesn’t bring anything to
the movie. Besides, her voice is so damn horse from partying too hard, she sounds
like an old gravely woman.
I actually thought “The Canyons” had a chance at being ok
since it was written by Bret Easton Eillis, who has written some great novels including “Less Than Zero,” “American psycho” and “The Rules of
Attraction,” but boy was I wrong.
If you really want to see Lohan naked, rent “The Canyons,”
but that’s the only reason to waste any money on this turd.
On second thought, below are some NSFW images from the
movie… why waste your money.
Once again.... NSFW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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