Tyrion and Bronn are two of the best characters on the show
Ep 1 – “Valar Dohaeris”
Before I start I just want to say I haven’t read the books,
the first season was filled with so many awesome TV moments, I decided to stay
clear, even though I immediately wanted to read the second book after the
credits on the first season rolled.
Where we left off. The Lannisters survived Stannis Baratheon’s
threat at King’s Landing thanks to some Wildfire and a last minute surprise
attack by Tywin Lannister and crew. King Joffery dumped Sansa and moved to a
hot piece of ass named Margaery Tyrell (Renly Baratheon’s former wife). That
lucky little bastard!! Rob Stark was moving towards the Lannisters with a
sizeable army and had fallen in love. Unfortunately his stupid mother Lady
Catelyn Stark, let his best asset go when she sent captive prisoner Jamie
Lannister back to King’s Landing under the watch of shebeast Brienne to trade
for her daughters — Sansa & Arya (who isn’t even at the castle). Jon Snow
was captured by wildlings after going over the wall with the Night’s Watch and
was about to meet their king, Mance Rayder. Tyrion Lannister (Peter Dinklage
giving the best performance on the show) led the army to an excellent sneak
attack (“Halfman! Halfman!” cheered his men) and survived an attack by his
sister’s men, but was stripped of his Hand of the King honor. He still has his
whore with a heart of gold and a new nasty scar across his face. And finally
Dany Taragaryen destroyed a blue lips warlock with the fire of her baby
dragons, who from the trailers, appear not to be babies anymore. Her story kind
of got the shaft last season, so it’ll be interesting how much her story plays
into this season. I just wish Drogo was still around cutting mofos in half
beside her.
...Which is exactly how we kicked off the third episode with Sam
fighting off a blue-eyed zombie thanks to some help from Jon Snow’s wolf and
the rest of the nightwatch led by the badass old man from “Braveheart.”
Holy shit, a giant!!! Like GOT needed to get any cooler they just threw a giant into the mix. So awesome!! I think that 30-second scene was cooler than anything that happened on “The Walking Dead” finale.
We finally got to meet Mance
Rayder, I liked how he hung out in the background and let some bearded fellow
take the reign as Jon Snow stupidly bowed. I’m sure Jon’s story will get very
interesting this, but hopefully we get more time with The Lord of Bones (man,
that is some bad ass armor) and the redheaded vixen.
Rob Stark
continues to march and discovers bodies, lots of bodies. And finally does the
smartest thing he’s done on the show, throw his mom in prison. Now he needs to
ship her old ass back to Winterfell, or what’s left of it…
Tyrion had
plenty of conversations this week, including one with his bitchy Queen sister
Cersi, which he came out on top of and belittling (no pun intended)
conversation with his father Tywinn, who basically told him he ain’t acquiring
shit, no lands, no titles, nothing… even though he basically led the charge of
the army until his father triumphantly arrived at the last minute.
We get some nice CGI work as Dragons fly around Dany’s boat, catching
fish. Getting big, but not big enough for Dany, she wants an army to help take her
throne back. I’m guessing it will happen once the dragons grow bigger. But she
knows that a bunch of sick dothraki and old man aint going to do shit, so she
hires a slave army, with an interesting owner.
We also find out that
Davos, Stannis’ right hand man, survived the wildfire explosion and returns to
his king. Only to find the Red Headed priestess there and after trying to stab
her, Davos is taken to prison.
And finally we see King Joeffry sniveling in his hidden box and his new
queen, the super sexy Margery, get out and walk amongst the people, eventually
helping an orphanage full of kids. She is very nice, which won’t fit well into
Cersi’s and Joffrey’s crazy little world.
All right, that’s it for this week, my head
hurts and I’m sure there are storylines I’m missing. I’m going to knock this
out every week, so check back and let me know what you think of the show.
Random thoughts
The official “Game of Thrones” nudity clock is in effect. We get our
first set of boobs at the 12-minute mark thanks to Bronn.
You’d think by now Stannis would be a little worried about the red-headed
priestess. It seems like everyone in his ranks has tried to kill this fiery
bitch.
Littlefinger once again makes a play for Sansa. Buckle in because I have
feeling this story is going to get weird.
No Theon, Jaime, Brienne, Bran, Osha, Hodor, Varys, Hound or Arya in this
first episode back. When you can’t fit an extra five plus storylines into your
show, you got too many people!!!
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